The Tale of the Super “Cat” Nanny (as Told by a Very Tired, Worn-Out Mama Goat)

As any mom will tell you, kids can be tough. They tear all over the barnyard, they make all kinds of racket, they ignore all the rules, and table manners—don’t even get me started. I mean, do they have to slam their heads into that most tender part of your body every darned time they want a drink?

As if we don’t go through enough carrying three-to-four of them inside us for five months or more. I mean, these babies weigh at least ten pounds each. Have you ever carried that many squirming, writhing creatures in your belly? And my figure. Forget it. When I looked back, I saw my stomach poofing out on either side of my spine like dual air balloons. I felt like a DC-10. I could hardly walk, and then Clark, the billy, had to go and call me fat. Of all the nerve! All this was his fault in the first place. If I could have reached him I would have bunted him a good one, in a good place, if you know what I mean. He’s still got it coming one of these days…

Boy did I breathe a big sigh of relief when they finally came out. I thought I might be able to relax a little, you know, recuperate, maybe actually get a little sleep as there’s no way you can sleep when you roll around on the straw like a bloomin’ beach ball. But there’s all the licking and the cleaning and then trying to get them to eat. Some jump right up and get going, but others, well, you know how it is. Some of our little ones are just a little slower than the rest. What’s the politically correct term now? “Suckling-challenged,” I think.

Anyway, they finally settled down and I had just started drifting off when up they sprout and it’s “Mom, can we go play?” and “Mom, I’m hungry,” and “Mom, where’s Dad?” and “Mom, what’s over there? Can we go over there?”

Their father is no help, of course. He just stands over there in the goat pen and either eats or sleeps or gives me the eye and I’m like, “Oh, so you want this now, huh? Before I was fat! Well no way, honey. You just put it to rest for a few months…at least.”

I swear all of us moms were at the end of our ropes. All our kids came about the same time, and the barn was in chaos. Babies everywhere blatting and squawling, moms crying and running all over the place. So I said that’s it, and I called the Super Cat Nanny. You may have heard of her. She travels around helping moms like us deal with these little terrors. All I can say is thank the Supreme Mother she came. I don’t know how she does it, but she gathered those babies all together and put them to sleep and for several hours we didn’t hear a peep! Not a sound, not a complaint, not a bunt in the bag, and for the first time in weeks, we got a break.

Heavenly. Absolutely heavenly.

Poor Caroline has had it worse than the rest of us, as her little son Maximus has a hurt leg, but the Super Cat Nanny took her turn with him, too. Somehow she knew he needed some extra care, so she made her way into his pen, which was no easy feat, little thing that she is, and there she stayed with him for hours, watching over him so Caroline could get some sleep.

I have to say we’re all feeling a little better now, and the kids are settling in really well. We’re still working on the table manners, but gradually they’re coming around. I hear the Super Cat Nanny is staying with us indefinitely, which I have to say is a big relief. Raising kids is just too much for one mom to do all by herself, and I for one rest a lot easier knowing that she’s around.

If you’re having trouble in your barnyard, I invite you to write in. She’d be happy to give you some advice, but don’t think for a second that she’s going to leave here to come to you. She doesn’t drive, and though you’d never be able to tell, she’s getting up there a bit in years, and we wouldn’t want anything to happen to her.

Besides, we mamas know how to get hold of her tail if we need to.